Tears and Redbull

In the first month of my study at UPCM, I survived through tears and a couple of drinks of Redbull. By the time the first two exams were over, I literally thought of quitting med school because I wasn't happy anymore.

Looking at the faces of my anatomates, my old coursemates and my other classmates, they were so happy and determined to be in the college. I thought I was happy too, but I eventually found myself crying in the middle of the night. I would wake up and quietly walk towards the my condo's window facing PGH and ask God to tell me what was wrong.

I thought that I really wanted to be in Medicine. I thought that this was my path. I had even told myself that I was lucky to WANT this in my life, but now I just think I'm crazy. Was I only here so I could be the first doctor in the family? Was I only here to prove people that I am more than what they thought?

I am having trouble making friends and having trouble keeping up with the requirements and lectures. Sometimes I just stare at my transcriptions and cry, knowing that I'll be studying a thousand more of these with a lot more pages and probably a lot more medical jargon.

I easily get tired and I can't survive a single lecture without telling myself that I've messed up.

I am completely messed up and I still have 5 more years to go. I don't think I can do this anymore. I miss my responsible yet still fun friends who would drag me in front of the room to sit through the whole lectures and appreciate the science. God, how I wish Scott, Magic and Hannie were still with me. It was because of them that I was game for the challenge. Now, I'm just one of the students who sit at the back because everyone else I knew is there.


Comments

  1. UnknownAug 31, 2020, 3:03:00 PM

    Hey! Just want U to know that I have read all your blogs. I am planning to take up medicine this coming year and reading this one really pushes me. How are you now? Please update me about your study. I thank you for sharing thru you’d blog. 😘😘 my cellphone number: 09190043710😊😊

    ReplyDelete
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