My Noble Pursuit: Medicine
I had once been at the verge of giving up my dream to be a doctor of medicine, and it was a time when I was diagnosed Mitral Valve Prolapse. It's a stupid reason to give up, but if you looked up to doctors the same way I did, you would understand.
Doctors, to me, were the epitome of perfection. They were unscathed by the blood that splattered on their coats, unwavered by the horror of the emergency room and untouched by the antigens that occupied every inch of their work fields. To me, medicine was the noble profession that made one an invincible hero bringing about miracles to the victims of our dangerous world. Not the complete opposite.
I was born with a defective heart, and I realized that I was never going to be "perfect". By discovering the defect, I suddenly lost faith in what I could do. I further justified the reason by telling my parents that I think I'm better off working as a researcher and a teacher instead because even if I continue pursuing medicine, I wouldn't be the doctor that I wanted to be.
What kind of doctor did I want to be, you ask?
I want to be beyond just a consultant that individually takes care of patients. My dream is to travel around the world and actually save communities, build hospitals for those who are underserved, lead doctors into a path beyond what they dreamed of, and actually make a difference. I'm so sick of seeing videos of people dying because no one was there to lead the community to the right actions, instead we all sat and watched.
I want to make a difference, but how could I when I'm not as extraordinary as I thought?
For a year, I was depressed for such a small reason, unable to fully tell anyone how I feel because I knew they wouldn't understand. I felt like I was just making excuses, but I felt real sadness and loss. I isolated myself from people and avoided long conversations that led me to opening up to anyone.
On the 12th of April 2016, I found that it was a mistake to believe that I was alone. That night, I discovered that the belief that I was alone, led me to depression. Apparently, I had friends who needed to be encouraged, as well. Not because they had a congenital heart disease, but because of their unique experiences; however, the effect was the same to all of us: we stopped believing in ourselves, no one saved us from our negative perspectives because we isolated ourselves, and eventually leading us to the belief that we are alone.
Opening up to my friends was the best decision I ever made. It began with a heartfelt message from my friend Scott who shared his feelings with regards to his performance in school and orgs. Instantly sympathizing with Scott, I immediately told him how amazing I thought they all were and how I wished that I had their lives instead of mine. I described each of them with all the harsh and sincere thoughts I had about their lives and how I think they'll turn out when they grow up. To my surprise, they began sharing their descriptions of me, as well. By knowing the perspectives of these three special people, I was renewed of hope and I realized how long it has been that I thought positively of myself. That night, I realized that my dream didn't have to follow a straight and smooth path. I just needed to keep looking into the right direction and I needed someone to keep me there.
Now, it's the 4th of March 2017, and I'm in the middle of my undergraduate thesis, getting invitations from medical schools and, most importantly, I've found my ultimate WHY MEDICINE! More on that soon in my blog. For now, I'm writing about my medical school applications for future reference and also for aspirants out there like me.
To end this post, I want to inspire you with my favorite quote from my favorite movie, Dead Poets Society (1989): “[And] medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, love, hope, these are what we stay alive for.”
I may not be able to cure people now, but my lifelong dream to becoming a "doctor without borders" is what inspires me to stay alive. How about you? What are you alive for?
Doctors, to me, were the epitome of perfection. They were unscathed by the blood that splattered on their coats, unwavered by the horror of the emergency room and untouched by the antigens that occupied every inch of their work fields. To me, medicine was the noble profession that made one an invincible hero bringing about miracles to the victims of our dangerous world. Not the complete opposite.
I was born with a defective heart, and I realized that I was never going to be "perfect". By discovering the defect, I suddenly lost faith in what I could do. I further justified the reason by telling my parents that I think I'm better off working as a researcher and a teacher instead because even if I continue pursuing medicine, I wouldn't be the doctor that I wanted to be.
What kind of doctor did I want to be, you ask?
I want to be beyond just a consultant that individually takes care of patients. My dream is to travel around the world and actually save communities, build hospitals for those who are underserved, lead doctors into a path beyond what they dreamed of, and actually make a difference. I'm so sick of seeing videos of people dying because no one was there to lead the community to the right actions, instead we all sat and watched.
I want to make a difference, but how could I when I'm not as extraordinary as I thought?
For a year, I was depressed for such a small reason, unable to fully tell anyone how I feel because I knew they wouldn't understand. I felt like I was just making excuses, but I felt real sadness and loss. I isolated myself from people and avoided long conversations that led me to opening up to anyone.
On the 12th of April 2016, I found that it was a mistake to believe that I was alone. That night, I discovered that the belief that I was alone, led me to depression. Apparently, I had friends who needed to be encouraged, as well. Not because they had a congenital heart disease, but because of their unique experiences; however, the effect was the same to all of us: we stopped believing in ourselves, no one saved us from our negative perspectives because we isolated ourselves, and eventually leading us to the belief that we are alone.
Opening up to my friends was the best decision I ever made. It began with a heartfelt message from my friend Scott who shared his feelings with regards to his performance in school and orgs. Instantly sympathizing with Scott, I immediately told him how amazing I thought they all were and how I wished that I had their lives instead of mine. I described each of them with all the harsh and sincere thoughts I had about their lives and how I think they'll turn out when they grow up. To my surprise, they began sharing their descriptions of me, as well. By knowing the perspectives of these three special people, I was renewed of hope and I realized how long it has been that I thought positively of myself. That night, I realized that my dream didn't have to follow a straight and smooth path. I just needed to keep looking into the right direction and I needed someone to keep me there.
Now, it's the 4th of March 2017, and I'm in the middle of my undergraduate thesis, getting invitations from medical schools and, most importantly, I've found my ultimate WHY MEDICINE! More on that soon in my blog. For now, I'm writing about my medical school applications for future reference and also for aspirants out there like me.
To end this post, I want to inspire you with my favorite quote from my favorite movie, Dead Poets Society (1989): “[And] medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, love, hope, these are what we stay alive for.”
I may not be able to cure people now, but my lifelong dream to becoming a "doctor without borders" is what inspires me to stay alive. How about you? What are you alive for?
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